Coward

At the time

i couldnt possibly have told her

that i understood.

that i too had felt the same.

that she wasnt alone.

that she wasnt the only one that had been through something like that.

or was going through something like that..

i wish i could have told her

that everything will pass one day.

that it wont be like that forever.

that one day she wont feel the way she does.

but i didnt.

because i'm scared.

because i'm a coward.

because i'm afraid to speak my mind, and say what i feel or felt.

because i loved her..

i guess i still do

i dont know.

i feel

uncertain

unsure

uneased

unprepared?

i never told her

i never told her so many things.

things i needed to get off, things i needed to say.

i guess it's too late.

and now she's broken and so am i.

Hot Tea

i wish my tea was cold.

cause that's just how i feel inside.

it's warmth is too good for the emptiness that my mind has become.

i dont feel worthy of drinking it hot.

as if i had to feel worthy to drink tea.

as stupid as it might sound.

my heart is cold and it's cracks cant be filled with hot tea.

Drown

I want to drown

Not in a depressing, killing myself way.

More in a way of wanting to know how it feels to be completely overcome by water.

How it feels so look up and see the sun beeming trough the waves knowing you'll never reach it.

The way your lungs fill with water while you're powerless.

Reaching out for a breath of fresh air, or any air at all, and your thoughts flooding your brain about how helpless you are and how nothing will save you.

Reaching deeper and deeper, losing conscience, losing life.

And in the mist of the dark surrounded by water, completely give up.

Knowing your body cant handle more.

Being more water than person.

Drowning.

Daisies

It's the season of daisies.

I see'em everywhere.

 Near my house, near the sidewalk, near the places my eyes go when they need to rest.

But the Daisy I truly wish to see ends up getting lost in this garden that's my heart.

No, i'm not saying i dont like daisies, i do like them and the contrast of the white petals and the green of the grass that sends my heart in a realm of tranquility. 

I'm just saying that the way her brown eyes sparkle, that golden brown against the sun when our class window is somehow giving the slightest beam of light, and the way she gives out her braced smile when i do something somewhat relatable, and the way she cares about me, but doesnt at the same time, has a loveliness, a certain charm to it, that no flower could ever give.

That's why Daisy is my favorite flower, even though she has nothing in common with one.