Why

why

why can't I trust others

family, friends and whoever's in between

no matter how much they tell me they're there

or how much they say they care about me

I just don't believe them

and then isolate myself

because I'm not worthy of them

because they're too nice to me

and I am what I am

a cold block of ice

alone in my isolated fortress of solitude

telling everyone to go away

lying to everyone that I'm fine

even if they know I'm not

I can't tell them

I can't talk

whenever I try my throat tightens

my mouth shuts

my eyes drift away and tears start to form

because crying is easier then talking

explaining is hard 

and disappearing

although momentarily satisfying

demands more of myself than what I am willing to give.

no matter how much I promise to try

no matter how much I try

I just can't trust others 

and everything would be easier to fix

if I just knew 

why